Loss

The inflection points at which the number of wedding invitations decreases and the number of funeral invitations increases coincide. At this point, more attention is paid to friends. Like physical fitness, friendship is slow to attain but decays rapidly if neglected. Even the slender thread of an annual Christmas card can pull through the sturdier rope of reignited friendship in propitious circumstances. 

With no digital backup, in the past even the loss of a tattered address book, edge etched with letters of the alphabet for easy reference, could sever a friendship. Work contacts, their status determined by context and poised uncertainly between acquaintanceship and friendship, wither through indifference or relocation. Mass slaughter of entire networks is the byproduct of divorce, when jointly held friends express their allegiance or self-righteousness by taking sides. Long after the wrangling over money and children has been settled, it is the loss of friends which leaves enduring bruises. 

In old age, as the count of friends dwindles from natural causes, the remaining stock becomes more valuable, if only because of scarcity. It also triggers the realisation that the longevity of a friendship has inherent value. As the saying goes, you can’t make new old friends. The grumpy old buffer, tetchy through ill-health, frustration and disappointment, nevertheless shares a hinterland of experiences, joyful or horrific, which form part of both parties’ personal history and identity. 

So the deliberate termination of a four-decade long friendship, must be a decision taken only as a result of the gravest offence. And nevertheless, of this action, three people will suffer. Two at least have their grievance to comfort them, I am left with perplexity.